|There I am newly minted mom,
believing I was wise beyond my 23
years on the planet.
This post contains affiliate links. Items purchased through these links or by clicking the Amazon ad in my side bar provides a monetary income for this blog.
I started out as Babywise mom, I don’t know if it was Gary Ezzo’s advice on scheduling a baby’s feeding and sleeping that made me feel like I knew
what I was doing as a first time mom, or my own self inflated ego, but I was a know it all. I could tell you just exactly how to solve your child raising issues, because of course all babies are the same and all toddler behavior is completely manageable. If I wasn’t telling you how to parent to your face… I was probably telling someone else behind your back. I was wrong.
When baby number 2 came along I was still semi clinging to the Ezzo method, but I had also adopted a whatever works attitude. That baby slept in her swing for months, even though the book warned that she would never learn to fall asleep on her own if we did that. She did.
Fast forward five and a half years from the first baby’s arrival. Baby number 3 is born into the Scott family and I have tossed Babywise out the window. I have become a co-sleeping, baby wearing, feeding on demand mama. By the time that child became a two year old I had no certainties about how to navigate this mommy gig and resorted to chocolate and lattes to get me through the day and wine and snacks to unwind once my offspring were tucked in and drifting off to dream land. (Actually who am I kidding? I cracked that bottle as soon as Craig came through the door, home from work to be the responsible adult).
Each of my little ones had a different mama, and even though I wouldn’t go back to or recommend some of those past parenting styles, I would say in every phase I was a good mom. In fact I am pretty sure that any mother practicing these or a number of other of parenting strategies that include love, caring and meeting their children’s needs are good moms.
Brene` Brown in her book Daring Greatly writes “You can’t claim to care about children if you’re shaming other parents for the choices they are making.”
Can I get an amen?!
As a mom when I feel shamed and judged I am way less likely to be in prime nurturing mode with my children or my husband. Shame makes us more prone to isolation, which leads to feelings of inadequacy, bitterness and anger. Not a great place to be when your job is love and kindness.
Don’t do that to somebody’s kid. Chances are that unless you are witnessing abuse, that thing that other mom is doing, that you of course would never do, is probably not a make or break choice in their child’s life. You think your friend’s kids watch too much T.V. Get over it. That other mom at the park who is feeding her preschooler a fast food lunch and is making you cringe at the unhealthiness of her choice. Get over it. I homeschool. Get over it. We don’t do team sports. Get over it. We’re all doing something that some other mom doesn’t agree with. Get over it.
In a stage of our lives when we already worry about whether or not we are screwing up our kids we certainly don’t need jack ass opinions about the decisions that go into our child raising efforts. A friendly word of encouragement or a compassionate ear can go a long way in making another parent’s child raising load seem lighter. When we feel like we are doing a good job the little things that can be blown out of proportion are better able to stay in their box of “it’s not a big deal.” and we can focus on the things that actually matter.
There’s no use crying over spilled coffee right?
If you haven’t already head over and enter The Hunt for a New Name contest.